Let’s talk about Q*bert. Doris Self, age 80, was the Q*bert world champion in 1984. She wasn’t 80 then. She’s 80 now. I’m not about to do math for you. Do it yourself. I’ll imagine how old she is. Yep, still old.

Her title taken away from her a year later, she is back to claim the crown once more. Doris will be trying for a score of 1.8 million points.

Old ladies aside, I loved Q*bert. That’s right, everything comes back to me. I am ever so important.

I remember playing it at the local Chuck E. Cheese. When I could take myself away from those singing robots, I would play Q*bert.

I was too young to remember what age I was. Years and years later I got a copy of Q*bert for the PSone. To my surprise, I had trouble clearing the first level. Was this the Q*bert I remembered without the rose colored glasses?

It dawned on my that, as a child, I had never once cleared the first stage in Q*bert. I loved the character, the bouncing snakes, those little frisbees that took you to the top if you could ever jump on them without falling off, and the cartoon swearing.

It wasn’t the actual gameplay of Q*bert I loved so much. It was the elements of the game. The dirty little orange sack that jumped around.

Ending this on a non-self centered note. Go, Doris! Go go go! Beat those young whipper snappers!