Eddie Gordo. A button masher’s dream. Random acts of violence strewn forth from his swinging limbs, while an unexperienced player smashes their fingers into the controller. The next thing you know, Bryan Fury is lying on the ground. The sound of his ghost clearly cursing all button mashers.

Button mashers go against game theory. They understand that they are trying to win the game, yet the give and take of the mathematics behind all games isn’t there. Circumventing the logic behind the game, random buttons are pressed and soon they are declared the victor.

Button mashing is unnatural. Like a duck tied to a potato peeler. It has no place in the natural order of things.

Or so I thought.

Maxim and I have taken to playing hacky sack with a couple of people during our breaks from the average work day. We are all terrible, and should not be playing hacky sack. If there were a king of hacky sack, surely he would cry and set his kingdom ablaze out of sadness.

One player in particular stands out. They play hacky sack like a button masher. Two or three kicks in a row with a twirl in the middle, and they still don’t hit the sack. It is a sight to see.

Button mashing seems unnatural. Like it shouldn’t be happening, and is cheating in someway. The fact is, there are people who are just button mashers. That’s how they go through life, why would their gameplay be any different?

When you are bested by a button masher, don’t get angry. Give them a smile and congratulate them. Life isn’t easy for them. They play goofy hacky sack.