I arrived home safely with my Xbox 360 and my wits about me. I’m always greatly concerned that I’ll die on the way home, when I’m really excited about something. Is that weird?

At any rate, I make it home without being mugged for my Xbox 360. Probably because it was hidden under my bulky coat. If someone had broken into my car, they certainly wouldn’t have looked there. After all, it’s just a coat sitting there, right? There couldn’t possibly be anything under it.

Where am I now, inside the house? Yeah, I made it inside my house without incident. No slipping on the constant layer of Minnesota ice. No snowballs thrown at my head from traveling packs of teenagers. I unlocked the door and stepped safely into my abode.

Step number one was as follows, feed that cats. This must be done to assure a distraction free setup. For further assurance, I made sure the canned food had lots of gravy. They like gravy.

Okay, step one was complete. Step two, to open the box with care. Do not tear the cardboard. Hey, that was easy. The box was still in mint condition. Maybe I should sell the empty box on eBay. That would guarantee me a place in hell.

Step three, unpack the box. Unit, check. It didn’t look as impressive as I imagined. Maybe I needed a little plastic bubble to put it in, like at the Best Buy display. Cords, check. Lots of things to hook up. Instructions, check. Into the garbage with you, instructions. Power supply, holy hell. I thought people were exaggerating. This thing is as big as my shoe.

Step four, register the Xbox 360 online with my gamer tag. There, everyone could now see that I was in possession of an Xbox 360.

My fiance wouldn’t be home for another half hour. That would be more than enough time to set up the system and play around a little.

And then the doorbell rang. Dang it all.