Oh, hello there. I didn’t hear you come in. I was too busy being massively disappointed by Mass Effect. Did that last sentence come through alright? I wanted to make sure I gave it enough time to render properly.

But hold on a second here. Do you like small to average size…

Another dirty disc error? At least the last auto save was only half an hour back.

Where was I? Oh yeah. Do you like small to av….

Whoops, died from a single rocket shot out of nowhere. At least my AI buddies are shooting into the walls. Good work there, space exploring pals.

Anywho, do you like small to average-small sized role playing adventures? Hey, you’re in luck!

Let me ask you another thing. Do you like Choose Your Own Adventure books? Great! Just, you know, don’t be upset when choice one and choice two both tell you to turn to page three. It’s a pretend Choose Your Own Adventure book. And who doesn’t like to pretend?

Oh no! My face! My precious face! Oh, there it is. Sorry, my face was just a non-textured blob there for a second. A handsome talking blob, sure. But, you know.

At least the story was alright.

Is Mass Effect worth even a rental? Sure, if all your friends have died and you’re bored.