Animal Dismemberment Simulator Coming Soon
Posted on 05.11.07 by A 47 Danger @ 7:43 am

The Happy Tree Friends are coming to a game system near you this fall. Or, rather, a PC or Xbox 360 near you. In a game. Now push all those sentences together and you’ll understand what I meant.

This ultra violent video game that is sure to delight many internet fans will be called Happy Tree Friends False Alarm. And as fun as I hope it is, there’s nothing quite like nitpicking a press release. So let us continue in that manner.

Disaster levels made exclusively for Happy Tree Friends False Alarm: SEGA and the creative minds behind Happy Tree Friends have teamed up to create 10 original and engaging disaster scenarios such as the Mine Shaft, Candy Factory, and Museum.

Thank goodness they won’t be reusing those disaster levels from those other games with disaster levels. These will be exclusive. And engaging.

Gameplay true to the franchise: Experience the non-stop hilarious action Happy Tree Friends-style where their accident prone universe means destruction and mayhem are inevitable.

If the hilarity stops for one split second, they have a lawsuit on their hands. Oddly enough, even in our non-accident prone universe, destruction and mayhem are inevitable.

Okay, nothing more to make fun of. The game will use some sort of physics engine and, hopefully, the game play won’t suffer. I don’t wish the failure of videos games. I am always hopeful. Here is hoping for a quality Happy Tree Friends release!


Filed under: A 47 Danger and General and PC and Xbox 360
Comments: None

Guilty as charged
Posted on 12.21.05 by A 47 Danger @ 3:00 pm

Seed

My secret shame is massively multiplayer games. There is something about real interaction in a game with a huge amount of actual people that I like. Hours have been spent making characters in City of Heroes specifically to get reactions from people. It’s exhibitionism of sorts with a safety net.

It’s a fact that MMORPGs starring elves, monsters, and the like have been the most popular. Everquest, Ultima Online, and World of Warcraft have all reached great heights in popularity. But I’ve always wanted more.

A few years back I was excited about World War II Online. It is a massively multiplayer game where you battle through World War II as a soldier. Big battles would take place, the front line would be pushed forward or fall back. It sounded like it could be fantastic. Granted, I haven’t heard anything good about it, but the idea was great.

There is another MMORPG coming out next year that has got me all excited. It is called Seed and it looks to be a different kind of MMORPG. Here are a few of the points I find particularly interesting about it.

Use your intellect rather than your brawn.
“By trading in weapons for wit, we’ve truly created a simulated society and developed a game that engages you on an entirely different level than any MMG before,” said Lars Kroll, CEO of Runestone. “We have really taken the simulated society idea a big step further, where players can ascend to great political heights within the Seed world, but only if NPCs and players alike allow it through a robust democratic system.”

Decide the fate of the colony.
“Seed is built as an evolving game world, and expanding the game world is an integrated part of the Seed design,” explained Kroll. “When Seed launches, the players find themselves in a colony on the distant planet Da Vinci. The terraforming process has ground to a halt, the space elevator to the orbiting space station has broken, and contact with Earth was ended long ago. What happens from there will entirely depend on the choices of the players. Should the terraforming process be restarted at all cost, or is it wiser to admit defeat and use the limited resources to extend the living areas of the tower? Is contact with Earth all-important or unimportant? The players will decide, all the while permanently shaping the environment around them, voting in their leaders and working together as they choose.

This seems to be quite a change from your average MMORPG. Working together in a society for common goals? Call me stupid if you will, but this sounds like a lot of fun. The game feels like it has a real sense of personal ownership and responsibility in the gameplay. Your actions actually matter. You and the people around you are creating a living and breathing environment.

The beta sign up is in January. Make sure to check the website at www.seedthegame.com for more information on the beta and the game itself.

EDIT - The site doesn’t like to work well with Firefox for some reason. Use IE. You heard me.

EDIT EDIT - The site doesn’t seem to like any browser. So…be prepared for frustration.


Filed under: A 47 Danger and General and PC
Comments: None

Cashing my chips
Posted on 12.12.05 by beuks @ 1:02 am

I first played Final Fantasy VII in 1997 on my friend’s Playstation. I admired its atmosphere: the typically fine (if sometimes overburdened) Nobuo Uematsu score; the gorgeous prerendered backgrounds; the attractive adaptation of the Final Fantasy battle system to 3d. When the game was released for Windows PC the following year, I bought it. I played on and off over the summer of 1998, and then shelved the game during the school year. This became a typical pattern: brief flurries of progress, spaced out over months or even years.

Here are some fun facts about my tenure playing FFVII:

  • - To use the word tenure is appropriate.
  • - I didn’t finish the first disc until the summer of 2001, 4 years after starting the game.
  • - I’ve played the game on five computers: four of my own and, during one winter break, one of my parents’.
  • - In that time, I earned a Bachelor’s and a Master’s Degree, completed a five-level course in improvisation, have played a Nazi, a hapless Polish exchange student and Bill Pullman on stage, designed the structures of a dozen Target stores, two ethanol plants and a roof for a grain terminal, wrote computer code to model the response of a gamma ray telescope, and researched the cause of inaccuracy in a simple analytical method to assess the distortional fatigue in steel highway bridge girders (it was the cross-braces).

One thing I haven’t done in the past 8 years is finish the damn game. At the beginning of 2005, I made a New Year’s resolution: to finish Final Fantasy VII before the year was out. Last night, I decided to call it off. I will not finish the game, or play any more of it.

The thing is, it’s a deeply flawed game. The gameplay is just fine. I like fighting monsters, gathering equipment, managing a party of warriors. But the gameplay is increasingly spread out between ponderous stretches of PLOT. The story also has potential interest. But the delivery is abysmal. Scenes of plot or character development are presented in a combination of nicely-rendered, 30-second full motion videos (of the kind that was used to foist the game on the public in TV ads) and tone-deaf, emotionless, in-game scenes, such as the “moving” death of Aeris, pictured above. The former are pretty but feel out of place, seeing as they account for about 1% of game time. The latter are like watching Lego people try to emote, which gets especially tricky when it’s not always clear which one of them is supposed to be talking, and their lines are poorly translated from the original Japanese.

The in-game scenes are further hampered by a total lack of change in the music. The same midi tune that accompanied your 20-minute wanderings in a given cave will also accompany the 20-minute scene — and all its dramatic turns — at the end of the cave. These bits that are supposed to keep you going through the hundreds of random battles, minigames, and Chocobo breeding stints spread over a hundred hours? No, thank you.

As previously mentioned, I don’t dislike console RPG mechanics, or the Final Fantasy series. I don’t even have a problem with long scenes between gameplay. I just prefer it to be in a game capable of making me care. Maxim hates the Metal Gear Solid series for this reason, but I enjoy it, because at least I can perceive dramatic highs and lows in those scenes. I also give a pass to Final Fantasy IV, because when I first played it, I was 14, and by the time I went back to play it, they had fixed the translation.

So, it’s been a long time coming, but I have finally decided to stop my quixotic and poorly-paced quest to complete Final Fantasy VII. I feel as though a load has been lifted, which will allow me to refocus my energy on more important goals.

Like Final Fantasy Tactics.


Filed under: Beuks and Classic and General and PC and Review
Comments: 5 Comments

Living World Racing
Posted on 12.06.05 by A 47 Danger @ 1:37 pm

Living World Racing

Forget about product placement in games. How about entire games being one giant product placement. But not for Coke or MSN. Living World Racing is all about pet supplies!

For over 40 years, Rolf C. Hagen Inc. has provided the most innovative, high quality pet supplies to the world and has led the industry with considerable investment in research and development into areas such as food nutrition, habitats and general pet care.

The game is based on Hagen’s newly released Living World brand which has exciting habitats, accessories, bedding and numerous nutritional foods and snacks for the small animal market.

The flying HMS Boat transports our cool pets to Living World, a wonderfully lustrous utopian heaven of green grass, shrubs, flowers, trees, animal homes, mini towns as well as special levels with a fun fair or a ski resort!

The characters individually race in powerful fan propelled hover boats and can reach lightening fast speeds under turbo boost, whizzing around tracks, collecting the various speed-ups and nutritional snack points along the way. The levels in each lavishly designed environment get progressively harder with devious combinations of tight corners, steep hills, ramps, narrow bridges, dangerous cliff edges and whirling tornados. Not to mention coping with the visual delights of sometimes navigating through torrential rain or snow blizzards.

Hover fan cloud boats piloted by cool pets speeding through a utopian heaven? Must…buy…cat…bedding.


Filed under: A 47 Danger and General and PC and PS2
Comments: None

The Best PC Game Ever
Posted on 12.06.05 by Maxim @ 12:14 pm

What is it? Is it Half-Life? SimCity? Diablo? StarCraft? Omar Sharif Bridge 2?

I’m partial to Planescape: Torment. Please, discuss below in the comments section. We want to know what you think the best PC game ever is!


Filed under: Discussion and Maxim and PC
Comments: 9 Comments

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