Peter Moore replaced by koala
Posted on 07.17.07 by A 47 Danger @ 5:07 pm

KoalaREDMOND, Wash. — July 17, 2007 — Microsoft Corp. today announced that koala, found all along the eastern coast of Australia, will lead the Interactive Entertainment Business (IEB), which includes overseeing the Xbox® and Games for Windows® businesses. Peter Moore, who currently serves as corporate vice president of IEB, has decided to move his family back to the Bay Area for personal reasons and has secured another opportunity in the video games industry.

Koala will take over as the senior vice president of IEB at Microsoft, effective July 30. Koala are broadly similar in appearance to the wombats (the closest living relatives), but has a thicker, more luxurious coat, much larger ears, and longer limbs, which are equipped with large, sharp claws to assist with climbing. Koala have an unusually small brain, with about 40% of the cranial cavity being filled with fluid. In February 2007, koala began working with the Entertainment and Devices Division at Microsoft as an external advisor.

“Peter has contributed enormously to the games business since joining Microsoft in 2003 and we are sad to see him go,” said Robbie Bach, president of Entertainment and Devices Division at Microsoft. “Since that time, he presided over the global launch of the Xbox 360™, spearheaded a revitalized and rebranded Games for Windows business, and helped steer the console’s ascent.”

Moore has decided to return with his family to Northern California, where they lived until he took the position at Microsoft. Moore will remain at Microsoft to assist in the transition through August and will then return to the San Francisco Bay area.

“While Peter will certainly be missed, we are delighted to have one of the industry’s most talented and passionate veterans on board to lead the business,” Bach said. “Koala were hunted almost to extinction in the early 20th century, largely for its fur. In recent years, some colonies have been hard hit by disease, especially chlamydia.”

The origins of the koala are unclear, although almost certainly they descended from terrestrial wombat-like animals.

“Over the past two decades, and the past few months in particular, we’ve worked closely with many of Microsoft’s top leaders and we’ve always been impressed by their talent, passion and commitment,” said koala. “We’re thrilled to join an already strong team that’s delivering truly amazing gaming experiences to customers around the world. We’ve never been more excited about the future of the industry, and firmly believe Microsoft will lead the next great innovations in gaming.”

Founded in 1975, Microsoft (Nasdaq “MSFT”) is the worldwide leader in software, services and solutions that help people and businesses realize their full potential.


Filed under: A 47 Danger and Humor and Xbox 360
Comments: 1 Comment

Atari goes to the movies
Posted on 12.29.05 by A 47 Danger @ 9:00 am

PONG: The Official Movie of the Game

Bruno Bonnell, CEO of Atari, confirmed today that work had begun on a movie adaptation of Atari’s classic arcade game PONG. “We are all very excited to bring PONG to a new generation through the art of movie magic,” stated Bonnell in a press release.

Head writer for the screen play is Steven E. de Souza, know for other video game works such as Street Fighter and Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life. Souza told Variety that “PONG is the classic story that all other video games are based on. PONG: The Official Movie of the Game will take you past the pixels.”

Few details have been released about the plot of the movie, but director Paul W.S. Anderson let a few hints slip out. “There will be awesome hand to hand combat, I can tell you that much,” blurted Anderson. “If you’ve played PONG, it will be like discovering it for the first time all over again. If you’ve never played PONG, it will be like discovering it twice. Twice much,” continued the Mortal Kombat director.

New Line Cinema head Robert K. Shaye confirmed “we are sitting on the green light button for the sequel. If PONG: The Official Move of the Game has a great opening weekend, you will be sure to see PONG: Double Agent from Hell in theaters for 2007.”

Paul Anderson let out one more bit of information to tease fans. “Antonio Banderas like you’ve never seen him before. He will play both ‘padz,’ as we’re calling them. Brothers separated at birth and trained to eliminate the other. Banderas was the only one I would consider for the job,” boasted Anderson.

Look for PONG: The Official Movie of the Game to be released in theaters for Christmas of 2006.


Filed under: A 47 Danger and Classic and Humor
Comments: None

Boring made fun
Posted on 12.22.05 by A 47 Danger @ 1:58 pm

Screenshots can be boring. GBA screenshots are always boring. Screenshots of different versions of Sudoku are spleen-rupturingly boring. That’s why we’ve spiced up these pictures of Dr. Sudoku coming out for the GBA.

Here is Dr. Sudoku behind the grass knoll. Was he merely sightseeing, or were there more sinister motives at play when President Kennedy was assassinated?

Black Dog Sudoku

A little known fact is that Dr. Sudoku was beaten up by the LAPD the same day that Rodney King was. But did you here any reports about Dr. Sudoku? I don’t think so.

Rodney Sudoku

Here is Dr. Sudoku being tossed into Boston Harbor by the Sons of Liberty. You see, the tariffs on Dr. Sudoku were just too high. America would have none of it.

Boston Sudoku

Did those screenshots make Dr. Sudoku look exciting? Great. Now don’t go buy it.


Filed under: A 47 Danger and GBA and Humor
Comments: None

Sans 360:Day 18
Posted on 12.09.05 by A 47 Danger @ 3:11 pm

Dear Xbox 360,

There’s a hole in my heart in the shape of you.

Did I come on too strong? Did I scare you off? It’s true, I am very eager to meet you. Please don’t mistake that as desperation. I feel that we could share a mutual admiration for each other. Maybe not right away, but with time.

You may be asking yourself if you’re ready for a big step. I want you to know that you will receive no preassure from me. Maybe you can come over and we can just talk. If you feel comfortable, we can certainly move on to the next level. Hopefully you’ll open up to me and trust me. We might even play together.

But this is all on your terms. There is no pressure. If you want to just watch tv on my couch, that’s perfectly fine.

I’m just trying to say that I’m flexible and no threat to you. So, how about it? Give me a chance.

Respectfully yours,
A 47 Danger


Filed under: A 47 Danger and Humor and Xbox 360
Comments: 2 Comments

A Casual Conversation Between A 47 Danger and Maxim
Posted on 12.09.05 by A 47 Danger @ 10:05 am

47: Hey there, Maxim. Let’s have a casual conversation about video games.
MX: well all right then A 47 Danger. lets
47: I find video games to be fun and entertaining. What are your feelings?
MX: i disagree! i find them to be morally reprehensible and decadent!
47: Let us try and resolve this conflict. Give me an example of something that you find agreeable.
MX: i find reading books and respecting my elders to be agreeable
47: Then perhaps you would find a game like Call of Cthulhu, based on the works of H.P. Lovecraft right up your ally.
MX: the works of h.p. lovecraft are violent and suggest to children that its ok to look into the mouth of madness and worship elder gods
47: Maybe a game like Bionic Granny would be more to your liking.
MX: bionic granny would suggest to children that implanting metal and gears into their grandmother is ok and should be condoned
MX: despicable
MX: video games only serve to subvert children
47: Then how do you explain the video game habits of Old Grandma Hardcore, a 69 year old grandmother who is currently playing God of War on God Mode?
MX: easy. she is bad. a bad influence on younger generations.
47: Would it be out of line to say that you are bitter because your tastes and values are not held by these different generations?
MX: bitter is not the right word. use the word “correct” instead
MX: this generations ethics are wrong
47: Ethics do not come into it. Crime is constantly going down. Video games may actually be helping with this drop in criminal activity.
MX: but that doesn’t excuse the fact that we are raising a generation on violence and… gasp… sexual content!
MX: whether they act on those impulses or not, they are being trained to like them
MX: like them!!!
47: Sexual content is a taboo brought upon by the church to control the masses. It’s censorship that should have died on the cross with Christ.
MX: sexual taboo is a healthy way to keep children from being promiscuous
47: Then parents can do their job and keep their children away from items they feel are distasteful.
MX: which is what video games teach kids
MX: todays parents cant control everything a child sees. especially when they are too busy complaining about violent video games
MX:
MX: oops
47: Ah HA!
47: Gotcha, you crotchety bastard. Get back into your coffin of old ideals and sleep forever.
MX: bleh! you have not won yet mortal!


Filed under: A 47 Danger and Humor and Maxim
Comments: 1 Comment

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