We need SandRuby to cure the fever!
Posted on 12.27.05 by beuks @ 1:47 pm

My family didn’t give me any video games for Christmas (clearly they don’t understand me*), so I went out on Boxing Day and picked up a copy of Final Fantasy IV Advance. Can’t say I’m disappointed. Some of the sound effects aren’t spot-on, but the music is as great as ever, and the graphics have been nicely polished. Also, the script has been rewritten and actually localized (not just translated) to not only make more sense, but to actually contain some dramatic heft. Bonus!

I’m nowhere near far enough to have reached the added content (extra dungeons, trials, and ultimate weapons), but I have had the chance to sample a number of the new features in the GBA version. The ability to move at double speed in towns and dungeons is nice (it took me a moment to realize that autorun could be disabled), as is the quick save feature that lets you suspend the game while you’re away from a save point.

One quibble: the battles seriously need a pause feature. I need to be able to put the game down mid-battle to go move my car so my brother doesn’t hit it while backing out of the garage without coming back to find my whole party dead at the hand of the skeletons I was fighting. Or what if you’re playing this game on your public-transit commute? Or on the bench between your field appearances as part of the Colts’ special teams? Or in between panicked calls from the International Space Station? These situations shouldn’t mean that some lowly Goblin can have his way with you.

Other than that, so far, it’s great. You should totally play it.

CORRECTION! I discovered last night that there is, in fact, a pause feature. Although that doesn’t explain to me why pressing start in battle didn’t seem to do anything on Monday. Anyway, now there’s really no reason not to play this fine, fine RPG classic. You do like RPGs, don’t you?


Filed under: Beuks and Classic and GBA and General and Review
Comments: 2 Comments

Classic Tuesday - Dungeons and Dragons: Tower of Doom
Posted on 12.13.05 by Maxim @ 7:00 am

ClackyJ, A 47 Danger, and myself played through the arcade game Dungeons and Dragons: Tower of Doom this weekend. Arcade game? I know.

It’s your standard side scrolling hack n’ slash fare, except all dungeoneny and dragony! Wait… don’t remember a dungeon of any kind. I’ve been scammed! I guess the giant dragon makes up for the loss.

Anyway, D&D is like any of the thousands of Final Fight clones out there with one notable difference: Inventory! Yes, much like the pen and paper D&D, there is loot to be had. Loot will appear when vanquishing a foe, finding a chest, or simply stumbling across it while walking from left to right. This feature of the game makes it feel like a game of Legend of Zelda: Four Swords. In what way, you ask? Well in LoZ:FS, the importance of tasks looks a little like this:

1. Acquire loot.
2. Make sure no one else acquires loot.
3. Make fellow players lose loot.
4. Acquire fellow players’ recently lost loot.
5. Try to get fellow players killed.
6. Work together to move the game forward.

The gameplay in D&D is surprisingly similar.

There’s lots of fun stuff to do like set fellow players on fire, make fellow players open trapped chests, and cast “sticks to snakes” as much as possible. There’s a certain satisfaction derived from casting sticks to snakes over and over while fighting a giant red dragon. (FYI, sticks to snakes is exactly what it sounds like, and is worthless).

To sum up: D&D:ToD is fun for reasons the creators of the game probably didn’t intend. Those reasons are: to screw your friends.


Filed under: Classic and General and Maxim and Review
Comments: 3 Comments

Cashing my chips
Posted on 12.12.05 by beuks @ 1:02 am

I first played Final Fantasy VII in 1997 on my friend’s Playstation. I admired its atmosphere: the typically fine (if sometimes overburdened) Nobuo Uematsu score; the gorgeous prerendered backgrounds; the attractive adaptation of the Final Fantasy battle system to 3d. When the game was released for Windows PC the following year, I bought it. I played on and off over the summer of 1998, and then shelved the game during the school year. This became a typical pattern: brief flurries of progress, spaced out over months or even years.

Here are some fun facts about my tenure playing FFVII:

  • - To use the word tenure is appropriate.
  • - I didn’t finish the first disc until the summer of 2001, 4 years after starting the game.
  • - I’ve played the game on five computers: four of my own and, during one winter break, one of my parents’.
  • - In that time, I earned a Bachelor’s and a Master’s Degree, completed a five-level course in improvisation, have played a Nazi, a hapless Polish exchange student and Bill Pullman on stage, designed the structures of a dozen Target stores, two ethanol plants and a roof for a grain terminal, wrote computer code to model the response of a gamma ray telescope, and researched the cause of inaccuracy in a simple analytical method to assess the distortional fatigue in steel highway bridge girders (it was the cross-braces).

One thing I haven’t done in the past 8 years is finish the damn game. At the beginning of 2005, I made a New Year’s resolution: to finish Final Fantasy VII before the year was out. Last night, I decided to call it off. I will not finish the game, or play any more of it.

The thing is, it’s a deeply flawed game. The gameplay is just fine. I like fighting monsters, gathering equipment, managing a party of warriors. But the gameplay is increasingly spread out between ponderous stretches of PLOT. The story also has potential interest. But the delivery is abysmal. Scenes of plot or character development are presented in a combination of nicely-rendered, 30-second full motion videos (of the kind that was used to foist the game on the public in TV ads) and tone-deaf, emotionless, in-game scenes, such as the “moving” death of Aeris, pictured above. The former are pretty but feel out of place, seeing as they account for about 1% of game time. The latter are like watching Lego people try to emote, which gets especially tricky when it’s not always clear which one of them is supposed to be talking, and their lines are poorly translated from the original Japanese.

The in-game scenes are further hampered by a total lack of change in the music. The same midi tune that accompanied your 20-minute wanderings in a given cave will also accompany the 20-minute scene — and all its dramatic turns — at the end of the cave. These bits that are supposed to keep you going through the hundreds of random battles, minigames, and Chocobo breeding stints spread over a hundred hours? No, thank you.

As previously mentioned, I don’t dislike console RPG mechanics, or the Final Fantasy series. I don’t even have a problem with long scenes between gameplay. I just prefer it to be in a game capable of making me care. Maxim hates the Metal Gear Solid series for this reason, but I enjoy it, because at least I can perceive dramatic highs and lows in those scenes. I also give a pass to Final Fantasy IV, because when I first played it, I was 14, and by the time I went back to play it, they had fixed the translation.

So, it’s been a long time coming, but I have finally decided to stop my quixotic and poorly-paced quest to complete Final Fantasy VII. I feel as though a load has been lifted, which will allow me to refocus my energy on more important goals.

Like Final Fantasy Tactics.


Filed under: Beuks and Classic and General and PC and Review
Comments: 5 Comments

Classic Tuesday - Armed Police Batrider
Posted on 12.06.05 by Maxim @ 7:00 am

A new feature called “Classic Tuesday”! This week we have an old arcade game with the best title in the universe: Armed Police Batrider.

Armed Police Batrider (hereafter referred to as “APB”, not to be confused with the arcade game APB- All Points Bulletin, which will be on Classic Tuesday soon) is another one of the Raiden clones that flooded the arcades. Gameplay is nearly identical to Raiden, in that you are constantly blowing up everything you see while simultaneously dodging ten zillion bullets. Since we got our hands on the Japanese version of APB, (Was there an American version? Comment below if you know.) the story remains somewhat of a mystery. What we do know is the following:

1. In the future, Manhattan is known as both Manhattan and “Violent City”
2. Things need to be blown up
3. Nothing is off limits, not even innocent parked cars (see left)
4. You choose from 3 teams: Police, Psychic and Climinal (yes, “Climinal”)

There are 3 levels of difficulty in APB. On the easiest, it’s pretty easy. On medium, it’s medium. On hard, it’s clearly impossible. On hard, your shots do hardly anything, and everything is happening on screen at once.

Everything.

Bullets? Yes. Explosions? Yes. Dogs, cats, surgery, the Oscars, breakfast, Riverdance? Probably. So much is happening on screen at once that the game achieves a sort of quantum state of action. So much is happening at once, that you can’t observe it all at once. Therefore, you must assume that anything and everything is happening.

Quite an achivement for an arcade game, if you ask me.

P.S. Also, there doesn’t seem to be anything in this game about riding bats.


Filed under: Classic and General and Maxim and Review
Comments: None

The Matrix: Path of- B! I pressed B! Why won’t you attack when I press B!?
Posted on 12.02.05 by Maxim @ 4:46 pm

I love The Matrix. I love it so much. I love it like an abused spouse loves their abusive partner. I’ve allowed The Matrix to kick me in the balls on several occasions, and keep coming back for more.

Enter “The Matrix: Path of Neo”

(not “Enter the Matrix”… don’t get all confused)

I hate this game. I’ve seen reviews from respected establishments giving this game scores like 7 or 8 out of 10. This leads me to believe that either they are crazy, or I have no idea how to play it. It seems likely that I am missing some vital set of instructions, much like my first foray into the Final Fantasy world.

Basically, the first time I played Final Fantasy, I did not understand the concept of “equipping” weapons. I bought them, they showed up in the inventory, I figured my guys would then use them. They didn’t. I was getting killed fighting the lowliest of imps. I thought the game sucked ass. Then I learned how to equip items, and the game got a whole lot better.

Perhaps this same situation is repeating itself. Maybe I just don’t know how to play Path of Neo. Am I missing a crucial button combo? Some stick angle? Have I not equipped the short sword?

Someone knows something I don’t. That, or everyone but me is crazy.


Filed under: General and Maxim and Review and Xbox
Comments: 1 Comment

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