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Lyrics:

ML: Any world order
That elevates one nation over another
Will fall flat
SG: Ah, snap
ML: I think that goes against the idea of American exceptionalism
SG: Exceptional fast food and exceptional dance moves.
ML: Most Americans believe that this country was gifted by God, a blessed nation, and that we are better.
SG: Yeah, we the promised land, a sacred place, gettin blessed by Joe Biden in space!
JB: God bless America!
All: Ay!
JB: Gah-awd bless America!
All: Ay!!
JB: God bless, God God bless
God bless America!!
All: Ay-men!!!
SB: Do you realize if you were to take that lettuce, dry it, and roll it, and smoke it…
MG: I know, it tastes like goat shit.
SB: You smoke your lettuce.
MG: Believe me, I’ve tried.
SB: You’re gonna end up with similar problems than if you were smoking tobacco.
MG: I know, fo sho, you should try it with tomato – burnin salad in my throat!
RM: Steve Buyer, warning complacent Americans about the risks of smoking lettuce.
MG: You can warn me all you want, but you’ll never stop my leafy green fetish.
SB: It’s not the nicotine that kills! It’s the smoooooke! The smooooooke.
Cancer: it’s the smoke.
Heart disease: it’s the smoke.
Respiratory disease: it’s the smoooooooke!
It’s the, it’s the inhalation, it’s the smooooke, the smooooooke.
If they wanna obtain their nicotine, it’s okay. It’s the smooooooke, the smooooooooooooke!
SG: The more produce we come across, the more problems we see.
KC: Some companies say they’ve received hundreds of applications for just a single opening.
One man sent a shoooooe to his prospective employer
EG: Shawtayee, don’t you know
That Air Jordan was from meeee?
KC: I wore a long, white eyelet dress and a floppy white hat
And carried a walking stick
EG: Oo-wee! Am I crazy, am I trippin on shrooms
Or you singin bout pimpin on the late night news?
Katie Coo, baby boo, you got swagga like a star
Don’t stop, real talk, we gon take it to the charts!
You can be
KC: Lady Gaga
EG: I can be
KC: T-Pain
EG: We can be
KC: Bringing on the boogie
EG: Droppin rhymes like rain
You can be
KC: Lady Gaga
EG: I can be
KC: T-Pain
Both: Bringing on the boogie
EG: With floppy hats and pimp canes
LC: We’ve got some breaking news
Let’s go to Tracy Burns–she’s got all the news
TB: Actually, Liz, I think you wanna jump up to Robert
Robert: Tracy, baby, you crazy
I don’t know what the hell’s goin on
Or where the camera belongs
Let’s go to Nicole
NP: Me?
Robert: Yeah, you
NP: Me?
Robert: Baby boo
NP: Me?
Robert: Whooo-ooooooooh
NP: Me?
Robert: Nicole don’t know; let’s throw it to Joe
Joe: Uh, you know, I’m, uh, tryna get a hold of this myself
Breaking news guys, um
I, I don’t have it, Liz, I have to send it back down to you
I’m afraid
LC: Okay, that’s okay
But the basics of it is
Clearly this is a fascinating story

Duration : 0:3:26

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Humorist John Hodgman was the entertainment headliner at the 2009 Radio and TV Correspondents’ Dinner. Mr. Hodgman roasted the president for being a “nerd”, referencing his place in popular culture and passion for comics and science fiction. http://www.c-spanarchives.org/library/vidLink.php?b=1245459927&e=1245460770&n=001

Duration : 0:14:4

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mp3 available for download:

http://amiestreet.com/music/auto-tune-the-news/auto-tune-the-news-number-3?pytr=gregorybrothers

Zach McNees helped mix:

http://www.zachmcnees.com/

Lyrics:

EH: I think this is an ignoramus statement
Umm, I was even a person who thought
You know what, power to Joe the Plumber at that point
SG: Before he went around laying his pipe all over town
EH: Well, Joe the Plumber is not invited
Anywhere around me
EG: Does baby need a tissue?
Thinking about the time the plumber kissed you
Before you caught him creeping with the Shih Tzu
RM: As republicans, the party does seem to be in chaos
RP: They need to change their attitude, attitude
Their attitude, attitude
MG: Ay, tells us what your homeys can do
To make a change
RP: You know, they talk about personal freedoms
They have to believe in it, you know
MG/RM: We know!
RP: To believe in it, you know
MG/RM: We know!
RP: To believe in it, you know
MG/RM: We know, we know, we know you just got to believe
RP: To believe in it, you know
MG/RM: We know!
RP: To believe in it, you know
MG/RM: We know!
RP: To belieeeeeeeeeve! Lieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeve!
MG: You saying Republicans on crack
Are you cozy with the Democrats?
RP: I just don’t think that either party
Right now offers a whole lot
MG: You’ll see some real change
From the 3rd party at my house
Poppin champagne, bacardi; gettin crunked out
Triple rhymin with Joe Biden
While we Imbibin Hennessy
Come on over–drinks on me, homey
HK: We’ll be friends with you
AZ: And bff with you
Main Damies with you
HK: And colleagues with you
AZ: I’ll be in your crew
HK: I’ll be in yours, too
AZ: Jumpin rope with you
HK: Playin Donkey Kong with you
AZ: Hatchin plans with you
HK/AZ: invade Tajikistan with you
HC: We do not believe either Afghanistan or Pakistan
Can achieve lasting progress
Without the full participation of all of your citizens
Including women and girls
AZ: Having a barbecue
HK: Grilling a goat with you
AZ: Grilling terrorists, too
HK: Getting matching tattoos
HC: The rights of women must be respected and protect–
AZ: –Picking flowers with you
HK: Hot showers with you
AZ: Falling in love with you
HK: Nude at the zoo
AZ/HK: Making memories at the pottery wheel, rubbing clay on you all afternoon
KC: It would be one of the most dramatic
Foreign policy about faces ever
AG: To what do you refer, shawtayee?
KC: A bipartisan bill in Congress would end
The 47-year-old trade freeze with Cuba
AG: Ojalá congreso le gusta esta
KC: It has only spotty support so far
But President Obama’s already taken some baby steps
Letting Cuban Americans visit family members
And send them money
But for most of us it’s still a place that is
Strictly off limits
AG: Not for this G
I just went there illegally
Speaking of which, will you buy drugs from me
On national TV?
Don’t fret–the people think I’m joking
But guess what (what?)?
I’ve never joked in my life; ooh-wee, shawtayee
KC: The trade embargo made sense a half century ago
AG: That’s 50 years
KC: During the Cold War
Fidel Castro took sides with the enemy
But the Soviet Union is long gone
AG: Disbanded:
KC/AG: Long gooooone!
SG: Dick Cheney. Rush Limbaugh or Colin Powell. Who’s your damie?
DC: Well, if I had to choose, uh
In terms of being a Republican I’d go with Rush Limbaugh
My take on it was Colin had already left the party
SG: I don’t think that actually happened
[awkward silence]
This is an awkward silence;
I guess I’ll fill it with ad libs
Oh! Shawty! Yeah
EG: Whoo! Aaaah
KC: Now it’s up to Fidel and Raúl Castro
AG: Esos Castros locos. Cuidado
KC: President Obama says he wants to see Democratic reforms
Particularly on human rights and free speech
So congress will be looking for signs of change
After almost 50 years
AG: Ay, that’s half a century
KC: U.S. policy will not reverse overnight
Relations remain chilly
But for the 1st time in generations
A thaw is possible
AG: A thaw, but what sort of thaw?
What exactly is thawing?
KC: Very, very, very, very
Very thin ice
AG/KC: Very thin ice, very thin ice, very thin ice

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Duration : 0:4:27

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